Aug 6, 2009

August 6th

The real anniversary wasn’t as much of a punch to the gut as the Wednesday of this week. Partly because I didn’t stay at home, partly because I kept busy with other distractions, and partly because it was a Thursday. I spent the night over at N&P’s, which is always and enjoyable time. The kids are still with cousins in Houston. I called them yesterday to see how they were doing. They were having too much fun to spend time with me on the phone which was a great relief to me. I was going to ask my sisters in-law how they were doing today, 365 days later, but they too were busy. That was also a relief to me.

I spent the morning getting some minor house repairs in order and doing a little cleaning. I told my boss earlier in the week that I would be pulling my widower card (nod to Supa for that) and not coming in today; mostly cause I didn’t know how I would handle this anniversary. All in all it was a fairly normal day. All the mourning, grieving, and crying was mostly done yesterday…alone as usual. I hate to cry in front of other people. I guess maybe I should’ve taken yesterday off instead.

Mindy always wanted us to get tattoos for each other; I always turned her down. I wasn’t necessarily against the idea, but for me since it’s a (mostly) permanent marker it should signify something you want to always remember. I never, in my worst nightmare, thought that I’d want anything to remind me of her…I shouldn’t need reminding. She should always be with me, or so I thought it would go. Now I grasp at anything that will help me remember things about her. I have my posts here, I jot down little notes, and I have keepsakes and photos all to help me keep her close. But today, 365 days later, I got a memorial tattoo for Mindy; well really for me. It’s a cross with angels wings. There are three roses at the bottom, one for each of our children and the banner states ‘1 THESS 4:13’ a verse that has meant more to me in the last year than any other.


It still doesn’t seem as though it has been a year. I can still remember her smile, her soft skin, her laugh. I can still hear her call my name from across the house. When I put something off I can imagine her nagging at me to do it now rather than later. I can still imagine what life would be like if she were still here, and it seems like she was with me not so long ago. Her birthday is in 6 more days. She would’ve been 35 this year.

One year down…a lifetime to go.


  1. That is a stunning tattoo. It's a beautiful tribute to your family.

  2. It's good to hear you made it through the day.

    I was just discussing tattoos with a friend today. I've never had a desire to get one, but it has often crossed my mind that a memorial tattoo might just be worth it. Yours is beautifully planned and is a wonderful way to demonstrate your love for Mindy and your children.

    You have given me more food for thought on this topic...

  3. And I can see her jumping up and down with that cheesy grin and lifting up your shirt every 30 seconds to show everyone your new tat. And accidently bumping it and you don't really care cause she's too damn cute.

    We miss her so much too. I'll never forget opening up her Bible the next day and it was bookmarked to Isaiah. The only words in red were "Do not fear for I am with you". Such relief came over my heart.

    And I know in that passage it's saying that God is with us but I know that Mindy will always be with us as well. I see her so much in the eyes of your girls and the personality of your little man. :)

  4. Thanks for the nod, and congratulations on a beautiful piece of artwork!
    I've always thought a tattoo the perfect way to remember someone, but I don't personally have the balls to get one done at my advanced age.
    Congratulations on surviving a year... next year, it will have been TWO years.
    Hope that thought helps you as much as it helped me.