Oct 16, 2009

It's lonely in this crowd

There isn't really a positive way to release anger, that I've found. I feel like I'm barely holding on to any resemblance to a normal life. I'm drowning in homework, projects, fund raisers, etc. since school started back up for the kids. I'm being ignored by my insurance company to make repairs to my home. The biggest thing is I'm tired of coming home to an empty house. I guess that is the new normal, but it's not the normal I want; just the one I'm reluctant, but required, to accept.

The kids are wonderful, but I miss my best friend. I'm tired of watching TV alone; laughing alone at the idiot box. I hate that I have to drive everywhere; there isn't anyone else to run to the store for milk, or take the kids to gymnastics everyonce in a while. I hate going to bed alone; not having anyone to hold. Although, not waking up several times a night to lound, train like snoring isn't horrible. I despise seing couples out enjoying a life like I once had. Really I just despise that I no longer have that life and they are just the reminder.

I want a pause button for life. Everything is racing by so fast and I feel like I barely have time to react or make a decision. There are many people worse off than I am, and I try to be content with where I am. But it's hard to live it everyday in comparison to how it was, or how it should be. I want what I can't have...my old life back. The life that I once thought was so stressful and filled with unecessary burdens.