Mar 14, 2014

When life is passing you by

Yesterday I felt the weight of the world bearing down on my shoulders. I was so tense all day that my neck and shoulders are still sore today and as I drove home from an all day mediation I realized my stress was from my mind being on my youngest babies.My Little Angel, and My Little Man have been secluded from me for nearly a year now. I've jumped through every hoop the opposing side offers and they just keep denying me time with my children. So today I'm reaching out to them, in the hopes they'll read this someday (when they learn to read).

My Little Angel, I thought about how much of a handful you must be for your Mother right now; it's just your age. I saw your cousin this past weekend; she's a handful too. She reminded me of you. I sent you a Valentine's Day present and I'm getting ready to send out your St. Patrick's Day package. I hope you enjoy it. I saw pictures today of me holding you and Cole at his Christening. You gave your Mom such a fit that day. You didn't want your bow in your hair, you wanted to take your shoes off, etc. It was frustrating then, but it's kind of funny and a little endearing to think of it now. I want to give you some words that I hope will help you retain more endearing moments and help you grow until I can see you again. Siblings can be the most wonderful friends in the world, and your worst enemy too. I want you to be a good example to your little brother, be nice to him and help him when you can. I want you to be an example to your older brother's and sister's too. Show them that it doesn't matter what they say or do to you; it only matters how you react to it. Let them know you are only accountable for your actions, the rest is their problem. Above all love them all the time. Love them whether they're mean or nice, because no matter what happens; they love you too.

My Little Man, I am so very, very sorry that I wasn't there again for your surgery. Someone called and said they thought of reporting your issues as a case of Munchausen by Proxy and wanted my opinion. I said I have no idea. I always thought your Mother did all the good she could for you so I couldn't say it was likely. But I have explicitly been banned from your hospital records and that doesn't make sense to me. I hope you understand this is not a terse word against your Mother, only my frustration at not knowing how to help you. You and your sister should never allow anyone to say mean words against your parents, not even the other parent. I looked all over to find your St. Patrick's Day present; I hope you like it. I'm sure you have a ton of toys and clothes but I wanted to send this to you so you'd know I'm here and thinking of you every spare moment of everyday. I miss you so very much. I want you to be nice to your sister and watch out for her, you have to watch out for all your siblings and they should watch out for you. Maybe someday very soon I'll get to hold you and your sister again. Until then, be every bit the wonder little boy you've always been and now that I love you.

For you both; remember that no matter what happens I am always here for you!

I love you yesterday, today, and forever!

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