I tried as hard as I could to ignore Mother’s Day. I called my Mom and chatted with her for a while but I didn’t do gifts this year. I hope that doesn’t make me too selfish…I just didn’t want to acknowledge the day any more than possible. Only because Mindy isn’t here. The kids came home from school with projects they made for Mother’s day. They did a wonderful job and I’m sure Mindy would’ve loved them.
We spent most of Mother’s day with Mindy’s family, and I love it that we did. Both of her sisters were there and the kids had a blast playing with their cousins. The little girls went for a ride on the neighbors horse and they giggled most of the time. The boys were running around trading cards and acting suspicious, as boys do. I always enjoy time with my sisters
in-law. I got a “Happy Mother’s Day” while I was over there…logic concedes that since I’m filling both roles I should enjoy both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day; it made me smile that they think of such things for me.
The kids didn’t seem to have any difficulty over the weekend dealing with the vacancy of a mother in their lives. That’s why I love them so much; they are my little rocks. But both Saturday and Sunday night I kept having a dream, or more accurately a waking memory of an incident Mindy and I had at a pharmacy. I was so mad that day and even in retrospect I feel like I did the right thing. But both nights I woke up feeling guilty. Maybe I could’ve done something different, or maybe it’s just my mind’s way of dealing with all the things I keep trying to ignore.
I just lie awake staring at the room I once painted, scraped the acoustic ceiling, and redecorated for Mindy in two nights while she visited her parents…all for Mother’s day. The television in our room that I watch alone, late into the night while I try to sleep was a Mother’s day present for her a different year. Her life, her personality is plastered all over our home and in our children. For now, I’m thankful for that; thankful that I have these memories.
Thursday was a very good day for my whole family and Friday continued to be a relaxing and enjoyable day. The weekend in total was great but I can’t help but think about how many Mother’s Day events will the kids be subjected to where explanations will be needed. I guess that’s life; our new, post Mindy life.