Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
masks that I'm afraid to take off
and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
But don't be fooled, for God's sake, don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name
and coolness my game,
that the water's calm
and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.
But don't believe me. Please!
My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weaknesses
and fear exposing them.
That's why I frantically create my masks to hide behind.
But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh
and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing, that I'm just no good
and you will see this
and reject me.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's nothing
and nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying
Please listen carefully and try to hear
what I'm not saying
Hear what I'd like to say
but what I can not say.
It will not be easy for you,
long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
Despite what books say of men, I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
you wonder who I am
you shouldn't
for I am everyman
and everywoman
who wears a mask.
Don't be fooled by me.
At least not by the face I wear.
--Author unknown
I was just thinking about this today-how on the outside I can smile and pretend to work and pretend to care, but inside is hurting. If people knew, they would be shocked.
ReplyDeleteA fellow widower recently commented on my blog that maybe it was time for my calm exterior to crack. And he may be right. But it's so much easier to wear the mask and hurt alone. At least through these blogs we can sort of hurt alone together.
ReplyDeleteHang in there.
i don't really know if i should be leaving this comment behind. but i found it very great that you re really trying to do your best to be the world's best dad - well I would say that; it is such a great thing to know your responsibility.
ReplyDeleteI grew up not seeing my father that much - or should I say: we rarely see him (cause he decided to be alone and do his own business - which gave us this big gap, that I don't even know how to approach him for a simple talk or so)
I just wanna let you know that I salute you for trying to be one of the best father for your kids - and I know that you can do it.
buzz me if you need someone to talk to: rolando_eugenio07@hotmail.com
i don't really know if i should be leaving this comment behind. but i found it very great that you re really trying to do your best to be the world's best dad - well I would say that; it is such a great thing to know your responsibility.
ReplyDeleteI grew up not seeing my father that much - or should I say: we rarely see him (cause he decided to be alone and do his own business - which gave us this big gap, that I don't even know how to approach him for a simple talk or so)
I just wanna let you know that I salute you for trying to be one of the best father for your kids - and I know that you can do it.
buzz me if you need someone to talk to: rolando_eugenio07@hotmail.com