Mar 13, 2009

The sky is grey

It rained off and on all day yesterday...and probably will again today. I don't know if it's the weather, or the fact that Mindy loved this kind of weather, or an unexpected phone call from one of her old friends but in any case the last two days have been rough.

Wednesday while I was driving in to work I got notice that a voicemail had been left on my home number that almost never happens. Family and friends have my mobile number and telemarketers usually don't leave messages. I listened to the message as I sat in the stubborn, crawling traffic; it was an old friend of Mindy's and she was calling for Mindy. It's been seven months and somehow she didn't know...and now I was going to have to tell her. It took me more than three hours to rehearse what I would say and call her back. The call went well; she will be one of the ties to Mindy that I can keep and that works well in my recent campaign. But to have to relive the story again and hear her reaction to it....I was back at square one.

I was sitting in my car in the parking lot at work after reluctantly making that phone call; the rain tapping on the top of the car and the wind blowing the drops across the windshield like little tears and all I kept thinking was that Mindy would love to make a big pot of chili and sit on the couch with the blinds open so she can watch the rain. Then later when we were all back at home and the kids were put to bed I laid awake listening to the rain thinking how Mindy loved to sleep to the sound of pattering rain drops. So I kept listening...waiting to fall asleep. I finally lost track of the time around 4am and then woke up late at 7:30am. The Teen almost missed her bus and the little ones were late to school by one minute (or so the elementary school "Clock Nazi" tells me).

I spent much of yesterday at work trying my best to actually work. I don't know what, if anything, that I accomplished. I don't really recall much of the day at all. Just that my mind wandered a lot. I considered leaving several times, but only stayed because I'm on vacation next week for the kid's spring break. I do remember contemplating my next move on the adoption in the car on my way home. My favorite afternoon radio host was on the subject of children and their best of course I went off on my own little tangent.

My previous position has been that Bio Dad owes my Teen her child support...all the tens of thousands of dollars he has neglected to pay. In reality I know that he'll never pay it; he doesn't care for her enough to take care of his obligation. But is it in her best interest to fight over it in court when either way she'll never get the money? The best she'll get is a judgment that can't be enforced (he doesn't own anything of value). I've made up my mind that I'm fighting for full termination of his rights and adoption but the money has been a side bar issue that is of greater concern for him.

I'm not sure what to do just yet, but at least I know a few things I can do. I guess it's just been a stressful few days with little sleep. But today is the last day I'll have to go through the motions at the office for a little while. And sleeping in the hotel during our little trip may just be enough of a scenery change to get me back off square one; at least for a while.

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