Jun 4, 2009

It’s a great day…shouldn’t there be more of these?

Today is the last day of school for my three little monkeys. I’m just as excited as they are because I’m so sick of dealing with the school district. They have had incredible teachers this year but the administration at both schools has had my head exploding! They won’t be at home with me tonight, they’re going to Mindy’s parents house. Which actually works out well and leaves me more time to put the finishing touches on an up and coming birthday party.

My work load at the office today was relatively light. There’s always the office politics about who gets to do what and when. In IT, everyone wants to be the first with the new toys! But it was nice to not have meetings about meetings and then scramble to get work done so it can be reported in the next meeting. I rode my Father’s Day Harley to work, as I do often, and it was beautiful out. I didn’t have much time but I found a short winding road near the office that makes for an enjoyable ride. While I was out on my ride/lunch break I stopped to grab a bite and an older man blocked me in with his Road King. I guess he thought the bigger bike could park where ever he wanted. As he was putting stuff in his bags I walked over to my bike and slowly got ready to leave, but he didn’t budge. So I started it up and not so gently made the loud pipes scream back at his large but quiet ride. He nodded my way and rolled far enough over for me to slide out of the slot. It was really no big deal, but it made me smile. He’ll probably have to go buy a new set of pipes now!

For now I’m looking forward to some time to myself over the summer, be it a few days here and there. But I’m cautiously aware that I may not be as ready as I think for the kids to spend so much time away. I have big plans to accomplish this summer on the days they are gone. If history is any indication only about half of it will get finished, but that’s more than I have now. I haven’t been on the anti depressant meds for a few weeks now. I took them for about two weeks and had no noticeable benefit but realized several side effects. I got my running shoes back out of the closet and let a few things at work slide. I don’t know which helped the most but I did notice marginal improvements. I still have some really crappy days, Monday of this week being one, but overall I think I’ve stepped up one rung on the ladder out of this pit.

I know that creeping up ever so quickly is the one year milestone. It doesn’t feel like Mindy has been gone 9 months and 29 days and just over 4 hours already. It feels much shorter and the “new first” triggers keep appearing. But want to think that if I can get past the first year, then I can make it past year two, and three, however long it takes before I get to see her again. For now, I’ll relish the good days and the insignificant events that make me smile; I’ll keep looking forward to my dreams of her and the better memories that randomly pop into my head. I’ll live life and try to really live life, so I’ll have much to discuss with her later.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I found the link to your blog from someone who reads my blog at www.believenow.com.

    Interesting about the running shoes...that seems to be my key for mental health.

    I just want to wish you the best. I know the loss runs deep. I pray moment by moment you find hope!