Feb 6, 2009

Six Months and Counting

My life changed dramatically six months ago today. And as much as I wish I could treat this as just another day in my new life, I can't. And it's probably just me buying into my own hype about the day...but never the less, today is the day.

So I ask myself, what has changed in the last six months? What is better? What things do I still need to work on? Well, as with anyone being honest with themselves the list of what to work on is exhaustive. So for now I'll leave that plank alone and try to highlight some splinters I've manage to pick out.

So what is better; it's hard to say. I guess I've gotten better at being a single parent. I'm not great, but I get the kids to school in clean clothes with their faces washed. For the most part they have their homework done. They always know who will be picking them up on any particular day. And I like to think they feel secure and loved. We have found a night each week that we intentionally spend together, just the four of us; we eat dinner together almost every night. I know what boys my teenager likes and who are her best friends. I know how well my Sugarbear is doing in school and how his teacher is trying to find ways to keep him challenged. My Princess is starting to read on her own, and both my little ones are really opening up socially. So in all those areas I feel I'm better. Those are all things Mindy took large part in and I've had to add to my list of to do's. I may have gotten better at other things, but for now if it doesn't impact my kids then I'm less interested than I may have been before.

I don't know if death is easier to handle when you are older and wiser. Or if it's less intrusive if it's not a spouse, parent, or child. But I know the last six months have been the fastest six months in my life. I've felt like I'm running in thick mud...working really hard to not get very far. But I've been going to my counselor regularly, and the kids are going to group sessions. And I think most importantly is that I have a wonderful support system in my family and friends. So while the time is supposed to heal all wounds...and things are marginally better. I don't think six months is a significant milestone in the grieving process. I will go visit Mindy today with the kids...and again next week, just me, for our anniversary.

Maybe in another six months life will have a different pace, or maybe I'll just be more accustomed to this pace. Only time will tell, only God knows. My favorite radio personality says..."Prayer is the least we can do, and it's the most we can do." So I ask for your prayers for my family. Prayers that my children remain resilient, that my family support system continues to find strength to help us, and don't forget to pray that God pour out blessings on you for your want of blessings for me.