7 years ago
Feb 13, 2009
This morning the news was giving statistics of all the people in the Dallas - Fort Worth area that would "suffer" from paraskavedekatriaphobia; the fear of Friday the thirteenth. How they would not get out of the bed today, or they would go to great lengths to avoid everyday activities.
Now I don't believe in superstitions and I don't really care that the thirteenth day of the month happens to be a Friday. But I did find it a bit weird that today there would be more people who felt like me. People who go to great lengths to avoid certain activities or other odd behavior. And who am I to say that they are acting any more or less rational than I am.
I mean, I can't be the only one who rearranges furniture so they don't have to stand in the place the paramedics attached the defibrillator. Or stacks pillows in the middle of the bed so they don't roll over to the side where she slept. And some where out there is some one who knows what it's like to start to remind her of that inside joke only the two of you would get; only to remember in that same second that you can't. Or my favorite so far...not changing the entry in your blackberry so every time some one calls from your home phone it slaps you in the face with her name. And it would just take a second to change it...and so much has changed already. Why can't I just change it to say 'Home'?
I can't for the same reason I won't delete the emails she sent me, or the greeting on the voicemail. The same reason why photos and video clips have become so precious. Because I'm afraid that my memories won't be enough and I feel it necessary to hang onto the most insignificant things...just because.
It's not like I have an overbearing fear or depression. At least my counselor says I'm "dealing with this normally". But I found it slightly humorous that somewhere today there were people acting as strangely as me...for no other reason than the thoughts we can't get out of our heads. The fears that have no real reason, or substance to them...they just exist.