This morning on my way into work I listened to one of my favorite voices on the radio, Steve Brown. Steve spoke about nostalgia and how things aren't always the way you remember them. He said nostalgia is remembering the good and forgetting the bad. But I don't know that I agree. When Mindy passed away I made a decision to remind the kids of all the loving, caring, motherly things she did for them. And to not remind them of the lesser times we'd all rather not remember. It's not that I want to forget; although I wish my kids would forget. It's that I want to honor her memory and reflect on the good we shared. Mindy and I had a troubled marriage for sure, and I've been asked several times how I could handle a marriage like ours. But God never gives you more than you can bear. He knew the day Mindy would pass from this life, He just wasn't inclined to let me in on it. But He knew how much give and take there would be in our marriage and He blessed us with it.
God gave Mindy and I ten wonderful years together. Eight and a half we spent married, and pouring into our kids a foundation. Mindy was baptised as a profession of her faith on October 28th of 2007 along with my Teenager. So that foundation has some cracks, but it's solid. Nostalgia, in my opinion, is not forgetting the bad times, but choosing to find the good in them, or from them. I don't want to forget all the arguments and ordeals Mindy and I went through. But I do choose to keep those in perspective as I memorialize my children's mother. And the good times wouldn't seem nearly as special if they didn't have contrast. So when you're feeling a little nostalgic, do you take the good with the bad, or just ignore the bad?
14 years ago
I think I'm a bit like you. I try to honor Mindy's memory by emphasizing on all of the wonderful and positive things in her life that may have been overshadowed by other things.
ReplyDeleteI'll never forget that cross that she made for Dean's baby shower. She stayed up all night making it and showed up with grout still in her fingernails. More than anything she just wanted to give a piece of herself and her heart.
She always said she wanted to learn how to play tennis. We said that we would go out sometime and just play. (As long as she didn't make me follow any rules)
It makes me a little sad to think that because of our troubled relationship she probably didn't know how much I really loved her. She always wanted me to teach her how to sew. I wish I would have found the time.
Losing her has really taught me that even through the dirt and grit of everybody's lives that there is really A LOT of good inside people that we choose not to see because of our circumstances. Like a little light shining inside that gets hidden in the dark storm clouds of life.
I'll never forget the bad times (sometimes comical -- Burden Brothers in Dallas) but I think that also makes be appreciate the good times that much more. I sure do miss her.. the good time and the bad. I love you and the kids more than you could ever imagine.
Jen
Yeah, in retrospect that night (Burden Bros.) was kinda funny. But at the time I wasn't any where near laughing. Man...I gave her a lot of grief for that night. But when I think of it, I mostly remember jumping and singing along with the band.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think we didn't be home till almost 3 or 4 oclock in the morning. We need to have another "night out" like that again!
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