I miss them already...

My three little monkeys are out of school for the remainder of the year. I on the other hand still have to work. So they are going to play ping pong between family for the next few days. We were at Mindy's parent's house to open gifts with them this Saturday. As always the kids loved every minute of it. They were even pointing out familiar CHRISTmas decorations on the way. I imagined myself arguing with Mindy over the radio station...cause that's what we did. She would be tired of hearing me sing CHRISTmas music. But seeing her parents always refreshes my memories of her there. They always have a real CHRISTmas tree and it smelled so wonderful.

The next day after church we headed over to my grandparents to open gifts with my Dad's side of our family. I made sure to taste test all the treats that were being made. The monkeys were playing video games and watching DVD's. My almost teenager tried to spend the whole day on the computer, but once she was involved with everyone else she had a great time. Princess got her favorite toys (which is any one that she opens), and Sugarbear got some legos to keep his mind busy. He's like me in that he is always thinking about building/making things. I hope I can get him to be better at actually building/making them.

When it was all done, I had the weirdest feeling; I wasn't ready to leave...but I didn't want to stay. I can't really explain it any better than that, sorry. The kids spent the night there, cause I had to get back to the J-O-B. I wish I could bring them to work with me. I really hate to be without them, even though it will only be for two days. I feel like everyday with them right now is so crucial. Next week I will be away from the office all week. I hope I can spend some real time with them...just us, before we have to enter back into the world. Here's to all the parents out there spending time with your children. You are the everyday heroes that make your child's world spin. Keep filling them up, and they will return the favor many times over. May God's grace find you all and keep you safe.

Merry CHRISTmas!

The CHRISTmas shopping is done!

I finished my shopping last night. Now I can put the focus on the real reason for CHRISTmas for the next whole week. I think I'll read Luke 2 to the kids on CHRISTmas eve. I know a lot of people do that every year and it sounds like a great way to anchor the season in reality.

I think I bought too much for the kids for CHRISTmas. I used to comment on how much Mindy would buy them every year and now that it's all on me I've done the same thing. In my defense some of what I bought I've set aside for birthdays and such. I was just in a shopping mode and kept finding things I knew they would really like. But I think as long as they understand that the gifts are not the reason for, or even the highlight of CHRISTmas it should be okay.

Now I can relax. The shopping is done. The giving will begin in a few days and that's my favorite part. Watching the kids faces as they open their gifts. But best of all is no more shopping. Did I mention that I'm done shopping.

CHRISTmas with Momma

I've been planning on taking the kids out to see Mindy and decorate her site for CHRISTmas. But the weatherman said it's supposed to rain the rest of the week. So yesterday I left work at the earliest possible second and raced home. I wanted to get the kids out to see Mindy before dark. We rushed and rushed and the sun had just gone down when we got there. It looks darker in these pictures than it really was...but at least we got it done.



This should be the first in a long line of CHRISTmas visitations to decorate and remember. It was 32 outside with the wind chill it felt like 15. So we didn't stay very long. But I accomplished what I meant to do, start a new tradition with the kids that is simple, memorable, and incorporates Mindy. I know I'll look forward to the event every year, I feel certain that my beautiful children will as well. These pictures were taken later, with better light.

White Rock Relay - Completed

Well as I stated in my last post, I'm horrible about procrastination. I had plenty of time to run before the White Rock Marathon Relay...but I didn't. Not one single step. But I had a blast anyway. I had the second leg of the relay...downhill, with the wind at my back, and only 4 miles. I managed to keep close to a 10mi/min pace despite not having run since the end of July.


This picture was taken near the start of the fourth leg. Our third leg runner was still finishing up and she did a knock out job. She had the wind in her face most of the way around the lake and kept up a pretty quick pace. I wish I had the actual figures to post. From left to right we have me, my brother who started us off, our fourth leg who had to fight the hills, and our closer who brought us in for a finish under 4hrs. It was a blast, I look forward to it next year...except that I'll actually train so I can be more competitive.

All I want for CHRISTmas is you

Princess and I were listening to "All I want for Christmas is you" by Vince Vance and the Valiants in the car the other day on the way back home. I was singing along with the radio...she was singing along with me. Laughing the whole time. We were having a great time and it was one of those time where you think...I'll remember this for the rest of my life.


Not a week later, I was in the car on my way home from the J-O-B and the song played again ('cause it's that time of year). It wasn't until the song was almost over that I realized the memory I attached to the song was not that of Princess and I singing in the car, but of Christmas' past that were spent at home with Mindy. It wasn't until then that I realized the weight of spending Christmas without her. She is the angel atop my tree, She was my dream come true. Santa can't bring me what I need. 'Cause all I want for Christmas...

And this week has been so hectic and busy that I haven't been able to do much of anything. I have a good friend that has been on me to simply make a phone call. But by the time I get the kids settled in bed and prepare for the next day, I turn around and it's midnight. Who has time for conversation? I think that may be part of my stress, missing all the little things Mindy always took care of for us. So next week I'm going to put decorations at her grave site. I wanted to have it done already, but that's how it's been. It will be the most beautiful site in the whole lot! But I guess that's a photo for another post. Remember all your blessings in life, and find new creative ways to glorify God for putting them there.

Snaggle tooth

I almost forgot to post Sugarbear's latest picture. He lost his tooth in the middle of the night and brought it to me. Mornings are usually very busy so I didn't get his picture until we dropped off Princess for her dance class. He was very excited that he lost another tooth, so now both his front teeth are permanent.

Well, one anyway. The other is still on its way in.

CHRISTmas is almost here!

I'm so anxious, and very nervous about CHRISTmas this year. I want this to be a special year for the kids. Something that will help solidify all the great memories they have of CHRISTmas' past, with Mindy. I'm also intent on starting a new, fairly simple tradition we can do each year that they kids can look forward to.

I thought of maybe taking candles to Mindy on CHRISTmas eve. But what if they won't stay lit? So I thought what about leaving a rose from each child for Mindy. Unfortunately, Mindy was the creative one, she would know exactly what to do. I want so much for the kids to have a great end to a very difficult year. But I'm ready for the year to end.

My oldest is sick again also. We went to the doctor again this morning to confirm, she has strep throat again. At least she'll be done with the antibiotics this week so she should feel good soon. It just hurts me when there is nothing I can do to make them feel better. I wasn't like that before. When the kids were sick, it was Momma's job. She nursed them back to health and loved doing it.

I have no idea why anyone would ever choose to be a single parent, I certainly didn't choose it. And the more time I spend being a single dad the more I'm convinced that God never intended for there to be a single parent home. I'm blessed to have a great support network of friends and family that are always there to help me. But I think more like an older generation, in that I should be able to do this myself. If not I just pray harder for more strength and continue on. But that may also be because I haven't been doing this very long. That's probably apart of the anxiety also. Merry CHRISTmas to you and yours. Make sure you tell your loved ones how much they are loved. It serves them well, and makes you a great imitator of the ultimate servant leader, Christ Jesus.

His perfect timing

Wow, I just keep getting these little miracles in my life. God's way of letting me know that I'm not in this alone. I told you all previously that I had instances of God's presence in my life. Well today I got another such blessing.

I did not take care when planning my finances this month. I am usually fairly decent at this but I've been a neglect steward the last few months. Well, I found myself in a position where I had to either ask for money, or be broke. I decided to do neither. I put the concern in the hands of God.

I knew I had a check coming to me, just not when. So I prayed that God would deliver that check before I needed the money. Well, the check I was expecting hasn't come. But wouldn't you know that I got an unexpected refund from court fees that I paid an attorney months ago. Now, had I gotten the check that I was expecting discerning minds could say that it was just coincidence. But God sent me a check from an unexpected source and to me it's indisputable that it was His will at work. Now the amount was not enormous, but it was just enough to cover my mistakes and answer my prayers.

I also have a new found conviction to build back my savings and return to my budget before I get myself in real trouble. And in the last few months I've had doubts about continuing my tithe. But no longer. It's all God's money, he chooses where to place it. He's asked that I give my tithe to the church, so there's nothing to doubt there...give the tithe to the church. I hope your weekend was filled with everyday blessings as mine has been.

The CHRISTmas tree is up!

It's the day after Thanksgiving. A day when we usually want to put the tree up. Mindy and I always hated putting up the tree. We have a prelit, artificial tree...how much easier could it be. But it still seemed like such a chore. Usually I took all the boxes out of the attic, and she and the kids would decorate. This year I took the boxes down like usual, and my oldest stepped up and grabbed the parts of the tree and took over. That let me focus on the other decorations and it turned out okay. Mindy did it better, but it'll do.

Now I just need to start wrapping all the gifts I have hidden around the house so it will really look like CHRISTmas around the house. Each year at Thanksgiving I try to reflect on things I'm really thankful for. This year was difficult, not that I have less to be thankful for. The opposite is probably more true. But the emotions attached this year were more than I was expecting. I'm getting pretty good and hiding it from the kids though. I don't hide from them all the time, they need to know that I feel just like they feel. But sometimes, it's too much for me, all the overwhelming emotions. I can be on the brink of tears, drowning in sorrow and then I could think of something Mindy would say and I'll be so over joyed that I was able to spend a good decade with her. They don't really need to see all that. But I digress, this year I must say that above all I'm thankful for God's presence.

I've had more than one in the last two months where I had to put my faith in God that things would work out well. And on each occassion, things did not go anywhere near the expected path. But in the end it all worked out well. That presence of God, that he is looking out for my family. That he does hear my prayers. What could I possibly be more thankful for than that? Be sure to give thanks for all you have, and all that God has taken from you. His will is perfect, even if you don't understand it.

White Rock Relay

I've always planned on running the White Rock Marathon, but I've never really trained for it. I always seem to procrastinate and start training too late in the season. This year I got in with a great group of guys to "Run the Rock" as a 5 man relay. I figured even without as much training as I'd like, I can knock out 5-6 miles for the relay.

This year the relay is on my nephew's birthday. So when we get finished in Dallas we'll head back for some BBQ. As we get into the Holy-days season I always get anxious that I won't get the right gifts, but I got a call this morning from my grandmother that reminded me that family is a really great gift. This year especially, there has been so much loss in and around our family. So for my family that may be reading, I hope you like your gifts. But if not, I hope you enjoy the time we get to spend together. And may God grant us many more to comfort and support one another.

Speaking of comfort and support, I've been putting off getting a new pair of running shoes. I hope my current ones will last through December. I plan on running with less equipment this year also. In previous years I ran with a GPS device and my MP3 player. This year I'm just taking my Blackberry. I downloaded a decent app to use the built in GPS locator to keep my pace, and I'll download my "running tunes" to keep me motivated.

Happy Birthday Son!

My one and only son just turned 7! They really do grow up way too fast. He's such a mature 7 year old. He helps me around the house, does dishes, and for the most part gets along well with his sisters. And he's the smartest little boy I know (all parents have to say that right?).

So, happy birthday sugar bear! Here's looking forward to your next birthday and all the fun days we can have in between! I love you!

My baby can dance!

My little baby girl has been taking dance for about a year now. Mindy enrolled her in the same dance school that Mindy went to as a little girl, and even bought an adult pair of tap shoes so she could help her practice at home. They both seemed to love it. But when it came time for the recitals there was always one little girl who just stood still on stage, like a deer in the headlights. That would be my little angel.

I've watched her dance in class, and talked to her instructor and she can dance really well. She just gets really shy. So I've been telling her all week how her instructor told me she was good. And I saw her dance and it was great so she should show everyone else. She had her first recital of the '08-'09 season last night and she danced every step of it. I was so proud of her! When she was done I scooped her up and just poured praises on her. She was grinning ear to ear. We all went for some ice cream to celebrate afterwards. I hope this good experience will continue for the remaining recitals. And she looked so cute in her Santa cap.

Friday in Faith

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.

The scripture that really touched me most this week was one I just re-read last night. I had read this quite a while ago when cross referencing my study of Revelations. But I haven't read it since Mindy passed. It just opened my heart with a glimmer of what it might be like when I am reunited with Mindy, my Great Grandmothers, and even the loved ones I never met, but are still my brothers and sisters in Christ. Could you imagine the joy, the pure love that would be exchanged!

When I read this passage the song Amazing Grace pops into my head. Because 'twas grace that taught my heart to fear. The song has always struck a chord in me, but it was played at Mindy's service and it's had a deeper meaning for me in reflection of the short decade I had with her.

What in the world is going on?

I went last night to see Dr. David Jeremiah preach on topics covered in his book What in the World Is Going On? and overall I enjoyed it. I will say that I've only heard "Turning Point", his radio show, a few times so I wasn't very familiar with him. I went in a little skeptical, only because these days you have to be certain you are getting the Word of God, not a worldly perception of the word.

The evening began at 7pm and started with worship in song. This was wonderful at first, but an hour in I was ready for the main act. After an hour and a half of singing praises, which I love to do, Dr. Jeremiah took the stage. His initial comments set off my alarms. He made statements on various world events and natural disasters that had occurred in the last year. He briefly mentioned hurricane Katrina, and the issues in Myanmar. Now I know Katrina was in August of 2005 and I thought the major issues addressed by the UN in Myanmar were more than a year old as well. In further review it appears that issues in Myanmar did extend into 2008 and one could argue that the issues are not resolved today. But to state that Katrina occurred in the past 12 months?? Where was he going with this.

Now I will say that the remainder of the evening was strongly rooted in the true Word of God. And I did not discern any other discrepancies with what Dr. Jeremiah stated. I agreed with his points on the second coming of Christ and even got a new context for some scripture I was only fairly familiar with. And yes, I reviewed that scripture (1 Thes 4:13) later in the evening for further thought. This scripture really had me thinking of Mindy, and at that point in time I wanted Jesus to come back NOW! I was ready to meet my savior and be reunited with all my loved ones. But it's not my will, it's His will. His timing will be perfect, you'll see when we get there.

To any interested in seeing Dr. Jeremiah I would suggest it as a good time of fellowship outside of your local church, with like minded conservative Christians. In retrospect, I believe his statement about Katrina being in the last year was most likely a misstatement or misunderstanding. As his context for the statement was not incorrect at all. And ultimately it didn't matter if it was twelve months or thirty nine months. He wasn't giving a specific time frame for the second coming, as no one on earth knows that. But rather some events that could be indications as revealed in the Word.

All morning in court

Today was the first hearing in my adoption case for my oldest daughter. I call her my daughter, cause to me she always has been. I've been raising her since she was two years old. But legally she is my step daughter. Hopefully that will all be changed soon. Her biological father (Bio Dad as he was referred to in court today) was not at the hearing and his lawyer requested a continuance. But his attorney had very little information to offer. It appears that Bio Dad has only spoken to his attorney on one occassion prior to the hearing.

I know very little about Bio Dad's case other than he is counterpetitioning my claims. I found out today from my attorney that he has three DWI's in another state (in TX that would be a felony) and he has recently left rehab and secured a regular job. These new bits of information don't really change the status of my case. I won't go into the details of it all here, but hopefully soon when all is said and done I can post some of the particulars to help other Step-parents that are looking to adopt. For now I've been given all the rights Mindy had, as declared in the divorce from Bio Dad. That's a step in the right direction, but it's just a temporary order.

I had a chat with my daughter last night to see if she still held the same position on the adoption as she did when she spoke with her court appointed attorney. She does, she wants to stay here with her family and friends. She wants to live with her Dad (me, of course) and siblings. I never have been great at praying, it's my weak link. But I've prayed a lot the last few days. Probably as much as I should be praying all the time! Please pray with me that the court rules in the best interest of the children.

I'm wrong cause Obama is right

Yesterday on my way home with the kids I got a call from an automated service offering me a lower interest rate. I waited patiently for the prompt to press some digit to remove my phone number from the list, but there was no such prompt. So I chose to speak with the agent. A pleasant voice came to the phone asking if I was responding to the automated message. I stated that it was in deed a response of sorts and she quickly went into her script to sell me some goods or services. I told her I just wanted my phone number removed from the list, and this is where the conversation took a weird turn.

The agent responded in a snide tone that I should have told her that up front (we are about 7 - 10 seconds into a conversation) and that "Obama doesn't front like that, Obama is for real". What??

Who said anything about Obama? Was this a new service where I was going to get some rich person's money to pay my bills?? She then called me several expletives and told me what I should do and how Obama will do it. I doubt Obama would appreciate her speaking for him, but she was apparently comfortable doing so.

So to all the Wildershow listeners out there, I was in doubt...but it has begun. There is no stopping the insanity. There is no logic, there is no sense of reasoning for the so dubbed "Obambots".

I must say I wanted to give her the what for over the phone, but I quickly remembered the kids in the car as my 12 year old looked at me when I gasped at the Obama statements from way out in left field. So I refrained, but I really wanted to let her have a few points of my own. I tried to call the number (323-429-7522) back later to report the agent, but to no avail.

Now I know not all Obama supporters are similar to this person. But there is definitely more than one out there, and the number appears to be getting larger in my experience. So to those who still appreciate moral value, logic, and thinking for one's self; hang in there it may be a long four years.

The Weekend Blur

Saturdays have quickly become the most hectic day of the weekend. I have managed to retain the privilege to sleep in on Saturday mornings...for now. I stir the kids around 8:45a or 9a and get them up. Then at 10:45a it's off to dance class. After dance all the little monsters are hungry so we round up some lunch. Some weekends we then head to my in-laws for the day, where the kids can play outside and burn off a lot of energy (aka sugar). Other weekends we head back home and start cleaning house, laundry, etc.

This past weekend was a really nice one. We went to the in-laws and had a wiener roast by a campfire. The kids followed that up with s'mores (Cajun style...blackened). Then the evening was wrapped up with a hayride around the block. The sky was clear and the stars were bright. The air was crisp, but not too cold. It was a very nice night. The little ones fell asleep in the car on the way home, and that makes for a nice quiet ride! I hope your weekend was a good as my weekend. I hope you spent time with your family and that it was as enjoyable as my time with my family.

Friday in Faith

1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I was reading this after getting an email with a passage in the same chapter earlier this week and it reminded me of Mindy. This was one of her favorites and she had rings and bracelets with similar inscriptions.

I have faith, hope and love. These three are rooted in Christ. And I have faith that he is the truth and I will be rejoined with her at his perfect time. And I have hope that his word will lead me to raise my children in a way that would glorify him first and foremost, but also honor Mindy. And of course the greatest of these is love. God's love and grace allowed Mindy to sit at his side now. She was baptised, as a show of her faith, on October 28,2007. That profession of faith along with her acts towards the kids should remind them of the love Mindy had for each of them. Love is the greatest, to be loved gives you the power to love. God loved us first and his love is unending.

What 12 year old girls don't tell Dad

My almost teenage daughter is struggling at school this year. I know it's a combination of her sudden interest in boys and losing her mother, but it's still frustrating. I ask questions, I follow up, I remind her of various events, but I can't do the work for her. So while I'm reviewing her grades I see that she is failing athletics. Yes, seriously, athletics. Her grade has dropped to a 58 because she won't wear the gym clothes at school. When I asked why, I get "I left them in my locker". So as the wise and astute Dad I think I am I see this as an organization problem. I proceed to fix it by giving her step by step instructions (how ignorant!). If only I could refactor and recode my kids as easily as some C# or VB.

A week or so later, her grandmother quickly finds out that the issue is that she doesn't want to show her legs in gym because of her eczema. Now, that is obviously the real reason but I never would've guessed, and she wasn't going to tell me. So now I remind her to put lotion on her legs each night and she has sweat pants to wear during gym. One failing grade down...three more to go.

Now this is the same girl who rushes home to tell me about cute boys, and all the reasons why she should have a boyfriend. And I listen...a lot, and talk very little (even though my head is spinning!). But for the life of me I don't know why she can speak about all her "crushes" but hides her self esteem issues from me. To me they would go hand in hand. I guess that's why I'm Dad and not Mom. Thank God for a whole set of wonderful sisters (in-law) that can step in for me here. Not to mention the whole host of other family that have been supporting us. Raising kids is the hardest job I'll ever love. Raising a teenage girl is something all together different! Equal but different.

Mindy Lynn Wells | Aug. 12, 1974 - Aug. 6, 2008

Mindy Lynn Wells (Marsalis) is survived by a loving family who will never forget her contagious smile and out going personality. She was a daughter, sister, wife, and mother and will be missed by all.

My wife of 8 years, Mindy, passed away on August 6, 2008. For the last several months my life has been one hectic, roller coaster ride. I find myself filling my schedule with as many "to do's" as I possibly can so that I don't even have time to sit down and watch TV. This makes some days very stressful, but for me stress is easier to deal with than grief. Mindy was the ultimate loving mother, she showered our children with affection and would do anything for them. God is perfect in his timing, and as much as I want her to be here with us I have to remember that. The children are adapting better than I ever expected, but I can't help but think I could do more for them. I want Mindy to look down, as she sits next to Jesus and discusses our family, and see what a great job I'm doing raising our kids. The only problem is that I don't think I'm doing that great of a job. A good job...but not a great job. When it comes to parenting, it seems I'm in a race car, barreling down the asphalt. I clip other cars as I rush past and I rub the wall at every turn. Not out of control, but just barely hanging on. And the best part is, there is no finish line. I can come into the pit as often as I like, but there is no finish. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else...but it seems perfect to me.

I never realized how deeply a part of my life Mindy was until she was gone. I mean, she was my wife, and I loved her through all the good and bad. I think we had more than our fair share of bad, but my heart was hers. I knew she loved me deeply, she told me often. But I didn't understand how a little at a time that river of love had run through my heart and eroded the bedrock. How it had softened me a little at a time and just kept growing. Now that she's gone I can see the deep chasm left where the river ran before. It's deep...and dry, but not dark. Her memories still light up the path like a bright summer sun. As much as I enjoy the warmth of a sunny day, I'm still uncomfortable listening to the quite stillness of a canyon where a bubbling, churning river once ran.

I take comfort in knowing that she's sitting next to my savior, and I'll see her again someday. But until then, I have an uphill battle to make sure my children remember their mother. They have to remember the love that Mindy felt for each one of them, and I have to be the messenger of that memory. I don't like being a single parent of three, but I love my beautiful children more than anything in the world. I've always felt that a father should provide for, and protect his children. But now even more so. Now I just need to find out how to be the greatest dad the world has ever seen. I need to keep them grounded in the truth, and help them learn to see the world as it really is. I want them to discern for themselves what is right. Especially in a world that seems to let anything go, all is relative and good in moderation. Please pray with me that God will grant me the wisdom to make good decisions for my children, and strength to be consistent in those decisions. And please pray that the love of their mother will sustain them when they need it. That they never forget all the wonderful things she did for them in the short time we had with her

My sister in-law, Jennifer, put together this beautiful presentation for Mindy's funeral service. Please take a moment to view it if you have not already.

MSF - Rider Safety Course

This past weekend I completed the MSF Rider Safety Course offered through Texas R.I.D.E.R at the Arlington location. If you don't remember it was 102°F on Saturday and 104°F on Sunday so it was exhausting to be outside all day. The humidity made it feel much hotter and we were under an exessive heat warning. But the class I was in had a great group of people. We started the riding portion of the class with 7 riders in the group I was in. After the heat took it's toll just 5 of us completed it. We had plenty of water breaks to keep us functioning.

I'm not a paid endorser, but I strongly suggest you check out Texas R.I.D.E.R if you, or someone you know, needs to take a riding course. Our instructor, Mike Hudson, was a just full of knowledge and experience. I think it's safe to speak for my other 5 riding companions when I say he made the class fun and the heat bearable. Now I'm off to get my insurance discount, H.O.G. reimbursement, etc. Be sure to check out the CMA. Have fun and be safe and as Mike reminded us the rubber side goes down, the shiny side stays up!

Happy Father's Day

For Father's Day I got myself a new Harley, from the kids of course! It's a 2006 Sportster 1200 Low and has been getting about 42 mi/gal. I expect the gas milage will go up when the engine is broken in. It only had 80 mi on it when I picked it up. I like the contrast of black and chrome (see picture) and I already have a new set of V&H pipes picked out to go on it. The best part is, the money I save in gas basically pays for my bike and insurance each month. The guys up at Longhorn Harley-Davidson in Grand Prairie, TX are awesome. Ron sold me the bike and the whole process took probably 45 minutes or less. I already want another one (a 2007 Buell Firebolt) and when I'm ready to get it I'll go back to see Ron. I've had it up there for some very minor maintenance (it sat for almost two years) and Trent and the service crew were great about explaining the issue and making sure we were all on the same page.